The Listening Advantage
Do any of the following apply? You...
--routinely listen to taped music or the radio in your office
--multi-task when listening to a co-worker
--plan what you'll say next, while another staff member makes a point during a meeting
--offer a solution as soon as a customer complains
--nod, give eye contact, and say "uh huh," but are often lost in your own world
--ask lots of questions
--get distracted easily
If your answer is "yes" to any of these, you may want to consider your listening skills.
In the fifties, my Aunt Nora, a Southern gentlewoman, told me, "Boys like girls who are
good listeners." She was only partly right. Boys are not the only ones who like good
listeners. Everyone loves a listener. From my perspective, many people in business don't
take this fact of human nature into sufficient account. Our capacity to listen can have a
direct impact on our profitability.
Listening and hearing are two different things. Hearing is a physical function, one we have
no control over. Unless we have a hearing loss, we can't help but hear. Listening,
however, is a conscious, purposeful act. We decide whether to listen or not.
When we're really listening, we're trying to understand what the other is saying. This may
sound simple, but it isn't. Most of us get caught up in our reaction to what is being said:
whether we agree or disagree and how much. Often, we decide early on where we stand
in relation to what the other person is saying, and mount arguments "for" or "against" in
our minds. We plan what we'll say next. We may interrupt. Or we don't interrupt, because
we've been trained that butting in is rude, but we're seething with
impatience--interrupting in our minds.
None of this is listening. Real listening is speaker-focused. It's a receptive act where we
try to empty our minds of our own agendas, thoughts, and desires, for the time being.
(Whether we agree or not is a separate issue that can be taken up later). Listening is
paying attention in real time, not planning the future or fantasizing the past.
True listening can be hard work. In a seminar I led for a city government, a participant told
the following story. A citizen had called up, angry about a mistake on his utility bill. She
immediately went into problem-solving mode, found out where the error lay, and fixed the
problem. But the customer was still angry. You'd think he'd be satisfied, but he wasn't.
Why not?
"He was so frustrated, I think he wanted to talk longer," she said. "I solved the problem
too fast."
Sometimes the quickest way to get rid of someone unpleasant is to fix the problem. Even
though my participant was technically doing her job right, her customer could probably
sense her disinterest. He wanted someone to sympathize, to say, "That sounds tough,"
or "I wouldn't like that either." When people are feeling emotional, they're rarely
interested in getting their problem solved immediately. First they want to be understood.
This is key to listening.
Here are four other ways to enhance your listening skills:
A listener-friendly environment
Create a "listener-friendly" work environment by minimizing outer distractions. The main
culprit I experience in workplaces is the noise level. Depending on the sounds in your
office, you may be better off using a conference room or even talking outside.
Look interested
You know how frustrating it is when someone yawns, stares into a computer screen, or
fidgets as you speak. A mistake many people make is to keep talking hurriedly. Not a
good idea. Instead, ask if another time would be better. Or try this: stop talking, and wait
for the other to look at you. As any first-grade teacher knows, silence commands
attention. People often find this approach risky at first, but soon learn how powerful it is.
Avoid interrupting
Related to this, curb the urge you may have to finish a speaker's sentences. Patience! A
close friend of mine who stutters, quips, "God made stutterers to drive Type A
personalities crazy!"
Limit your questions
Try not to assault the speaker with an artillery of questions. A few are OK, but you don't
want to sound like parents interrogating their teenager: "Where have you been? Why
didn't you call? Don't you know what you do to us when you're late?" Fewer questions,
one at a time, work better. Questions can be a form of control and even intimidation, as
any witness being cross-examined knows.
When I was growing up, listening did not strike me as very sexy. I thought the quiet,
listener-types in my family were much less interesting than us vocal ones. I'm afraid
listening still doesn't have the sex appeal it deserves. In the working world, poor listening
can have devastating effects--not only in misunderstandings and mistakes, office tension
and turnover, but lost productivity and profits. Smart workers recognize that there is a
huge pay-off in listening.