Authority is Not a Four-Letter Word
A few months ago, in a department store, I witnessed a curious scenario. A young girl of
about eight, her arms crossed tightly against her chest, her chin jutting out, faced her
mother squarely. "Mommy!" she cried in a sharp voice that cut the air. "Where were you?
You left me all alone! Why did you leave me?"
Her mother looked down at her with a stricken expression on her face. "Oh, honey, I'm
sorry. I was... I was looking for some towels. I won't leave you again, sweetheart..." Her
voice trailed off.
"You'd better not!"
I thought to myself, "What is wrong with this picture? Who is the parent here, and who is
the child?"
It's often said that management has much in common with parenting. Indeed, in the
trainings I lead for managers, I hear stories that sound eerily similar to this scenario. I'm
asked questions like, "Is it OK to tell my employee she needs to arrive on time? That she
needs to dress more professionally?"
"Of course you can," I say.
"But everyone dresses like she does. It's accepted."
"Who's paying her?" I ask.
"I am."
"Then you're the boss."
But "boss" is a four-letter word these days, and many managers are afraid to be the
boss.
Leadership is not for sissies, especially in an era when many people think "workplace" is
another word for "democracy." In the last 25 years, a sea change has swept across our
culture, overturning parenting and leadership philosophies alike. Rapport has come to be
valued over authority. Many managers want to be friends with their staff, and they want
their staff to be friends with each other; one big happy team.
This isn't all bad. After generations of hierarchical management in the workplace, we
needed changes. A top-down leadership style simply does not work with today's
independent, free-wheeling workforce. But too much friendship and intimacy in the
workplace leads to confusion, and ultimately to reduced productivity, profit, standards,
and services.
When the value is placed on friendship, managers can't manage. After all, friends don't
usually tell friends what to do and not do. Rather than confront a staffperson who has
crossed the line to a friend, managers may put up with mediocre performance, tolerate
lower standards, and do staffwork themselves because that's the only way they know it'll
get done.
And the problem doesn't stop with the employee who has become a friend. Other staff
understandably feel resentful when they see their co-worker allowed to coast. Avoiding
confrontation thus ends up costing the team, the department, and sometimes the whole
organization.
Sometimes the cliques, gossip, and petty personnel problems in the office make the
workplace sound like high school. Factions and interpersonal squabbles have always
fermented at work; this is nothing new. The difference today is managers' willingness to
tolerate and accommodate the infighting. When an employee complains about a
co-worker, not enough managers say, "You're an adult. If you have a problem, talk it over
with your co-worker." Or, "Come back if you've tried at least two different solutions and
neither has worked." Or, "We have had this conversation twice, and I am not willing to
have it again." Instead, many managers feel it's their duty to be a good listener and a
friend, and to maintain an open door, that magic-potion policy that will resolve all
problems and redeem all mistakes. Such attitudes make the workplace more of a therapy
office than a place where work gets done.
An open door policy tells employees you are available any minute, any hour. No wonder
employees vent so much! You shouldn't feel guilty if you close the door from time to time.
I recommend an "ajar door" policy where managers are available at certain times. This
sends a clearer message to employees.
In the old paradigm, the boss was the authoritarian parent, and the employees were the
children. The problem was that, with no power, the "children" behaved like children:
passive, rule-based, good girls and boys, who rebelled when they were dissatisfied. In
the new paradigm, employees are adults, capable of decision-making and autonomy. But
they are not equals to the manager, and when everyone pretends they are, it can breed
dry rot in the deepest fiscal roots of the organization.
Given the cultural changes we are in, management today is not for the faint-hearted. It's
a challenge to close the door if you've left it wide open. It's a challenge to be clear
without being curt, friendly without being friends. Managing is an art that takes skill,
know-how, and most of all--that timeless virtue--courage.